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Football News
Text by Nick Rees

Over the next few months we will bring you an insight into each team in the league and try to give you an idea of who’s running them and how useless they are. If they’re a good team, I’ll take the credit somehow anyway. This month, we’re going to feature the Storming Cloggs who were one of the two founding teams of the league, along with the Moscow Flagons, back in 2003. Usually I don’t trust men with shaven chests or those which have suits cut sharper than a maniac’s razor but I have learnt to make an exception for one person – the manager of the Cloggs – Darren Keane. As well as being one of the two founders of the league, he has also been elected president of the league due to his honesty, commitment and drive to grow the league. Hundreds of years in the casino business hasn’t taught Darren to be a good loser though and his team is the mirror of him. No game against the Cloggs is a friendly as alongside Darren is Dave “The Rave” who runs the team from the sidelines. Known affectionately as “Koont” and “The Knee Terrorist”, Dave adds more spice to a game than a dodgy vindaloo in Maharaja!

Over the years, the Cloggs have won the league a total of 3 times, been runners up (ie. losers!) a grand total of 5 times and won the cup once. Always the bridesmaid… rarely the bride! Darren, over the years, has put the blame on their lack of success on global warming, Ghandi’s assassination and the American Civil War (which was probably started by one of his players who we will come onto later).

Their best player by far is Rainer Fischer who is probably the best player that Austria has ever produced (or ONLY player that they have ever produced). It’s quite rare to see a good player without an ego but Rainer is one of the nicest guys on a pitch that you will ever see. For everything good in the world, there has to be an opposite and he is historically the Cloggs’ top scorer, Juan Lopez. Born in Spain, grew up in Plymouth, supports Man United and hated by refs all over the world! More moans come out of his mouth over 90 minutes than Night Flight during a 2for1 offer! The referees might hate him but they can’t stop him from scoring which, admittedly, he does well.

Vadim isn’t a name you hear much in the expat league but he was ‘adopted’ by the league and has been the defensive force behind the Cloggs almost since the very beginning along with Big Phil, Little Phil, Paul, Michel, Ivor and the infamous supersub Pete the Meat.

The Cloggs aren’t known for their defensive duties as they have a cheeky bunch of creative attackers in Ian, Raul, Lee, Rainer and Darren and proof of this comes in the form of the top scorers table so far this season with just 4 games played:

Clogg’s Top Scorer Table

Darren Keane Storming Cloggs 4
Ian Crompton Storming Cloggs 4
Rainer Fischer Storming Cloggs 4
Chris Dobson Lundbeck United 4
Hosein Abakpour Moscow Bhoys 4

With just the 4 rounds of games gone so far this summer season, the Cloggs are unbeaten and on top but very closely followed by Lundbeck who are possibly the team to watch. The new Turkish team, Real Brothers, are 3rd and unbeaten having beaten Turkish rivals Pasha 2-1 recently.

Come down and watch us during the summer – even if you hate football, we have cold beer, shashlik, soft drinks and a great familiy atmosphere.

For more information, contact me at

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